When the Smoke Clears
by FidgeyTova
Summary: Shusei is in recovery for his burns, Hotsuma tries to apologize...My take on what happens after Hotsuma's suicide attempt.


**Hello! This is my first fic for Uraboku and also my very first attempt at a sad/ drama fic! I never actually intended to write something like this, however I couldn't get this out of my head, I just HAD to write it! It takes place after Hotsuma's suicide attempt. This is just my take on how this incident played out (I wish this part had been in the anime or manga!) **

**Hmm...I'll just put this here, but I have another story called _Il Mostro _which is kind of a prequel to this story, not really necessary to read before reading this, but just thought I'd share (but please read if you have a moment! XD )  
**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Uraboku**

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**When the Smoke Clears**

"_Die, Renjou Hotsuma"_

"_HOTSUMA!"_

"_Idiot! Let go of me! You'll burn too!"_

"_I won't let go! If you do this we can't ever be together again! If you still want to die….TAKE ME WITH YOU!"_

A few hours ago, Hotsuma had come running home carrying a passed out Shusei. Tsukumo, hearing Hotsuma's thoughts, had called for Isuzu who was ready for them at the door. Hotsuma had burst into the room screaming. _Help him! He's hurt! He-he's burnt! Somebody do something!_ The other Zweilt's and Twilight Mansion residents had heard the commotion and ran in to see what had happened. What they saw was Hotsuma on the floor, screaming and coughing up ash, and in his arms was Shusei. His shirt nearly burnt off and sticking to the raw exposed flesh; His shoulders and chest beginning to blister. The other Zweilt's couldn't imagine what have happened to cause this, but they knew this was the work of 'God's Voice."

...

Lying in a bed in Isuzu's infirmary is Shusei. His back, chest and shoulders are covered in bandages. He's fast asleep from all the medication for the pain, and had been asleep for most of the afternoon. Across the room, sitting in a chair against the wall is his best friend and Zweilt partner, Hotsuma. Hotsuma hung his head low, drowning in his guilt knowing Shusei is in all this pain because of him. His eyes are slightly red, he'd never admit it, but he had been crying over what had happened.

_Shit! What the hell is wrong with me? How could I have- _Hotsuma's thoughts were cut off at the sound of Shusei groaning as he tried to move. With the burns covering most of his back and chest there is no way for him to be comfortable. Still, despite the pain, he hasn't woken.

_Damn it! I don't even want to be forgiven… I deserve whatever punishment he gives me. _Even though Shusei suffered such wounds, in his heart, Hotsuma knew Shusei could never truly hate him. _I really screwed up this time… Please just yell at me! Tell me I am an idiot! Tell me-_

Shusei stirred slightly still groggy from the medication.

_I thought I had the right to take my own life! Without even considering your feelings! _Hotsuma continued.

Shusei, steadily gaining consciousness, noticed the tension in the room without even opening his eyes. He could sense his partner from across the room, tearing himself apart for what had happened. He didn't need Tsukumo's 'God's Ears' to know that. To him, Hotsuma was an open book. Making sure not to be noticed, Shusei opened his eyes a little and instinctively looked over at him, but didn't say anything.

_I could understand if you never wanted to see me again! You deserve a better partner… someone who's going to protect you, as you have me!_ Hotsuma said still lost in his thoughts, unaware Shusei was now wide awake and could see the pain and guilt on his face.

_Be angry with me, Shusei! Hit me! Just please don't-_

"Hotsuma…I'm sorry…" Shusei said barely louder than a whisper.

_-Forgive me!_

"What?" Hotsuma couldn't comprehend where this apology came from. _He _was the one who tried to kill himself! _He _was the one who badly injured his best friend! _He _is the one responsible for Shusei having to spend the rest of his life with scars across his body! What did Shusei have to apologize for?

"I'm sorry I didn't notice…" Shusei continued, taking long breaths between sentences, "You must have been in such pain to have tried such a thing. I can't imagine the hopelessness and despair you must have felt. I'm sorry I didn't see that. Maybe…maybe I could have done something if-"

"What are you talking about?" Hotsuma said, almost angry but knew he had no right to be angry with Shusei, "Don't apologize to me! I should be begging YOU to forgive me! I hurt you! You will be scarred for the rest of your life because of me!"

Shusei thought for a moment before speaking, "I am mad… but not about the burns. I'm angry because you were so selfish as to almost take your own life. What would I have done if you had succeeded?" He was almost yelling by the time he finished.

Hotsuma couldn't even think of an answer as he stared into Shusei's eyes. If he were in Shusei's position, he would much rather suffer from physical wounds then even considering the loss of his best friend. So he knew what Shusei was saying, but still…

Shusei leaned up out of his bed, despite the searing pain, "Hotsuma, listen-"

"It hurts bad…doesn't it?" It was so like Hotsuma to interrupt.

"Not really." It was a blatant lie, but he didn't need to see the Blond more upset as he is. Even so, a smirk appeared on his face to let Hotsuma know things will get better.

"Liar." Hotsuma returned a small, sad smile.

"It will heal." Shusei truly wasn't concerned. He'd gladly take these burns one hundred times over then lose the person he's been alongside for all these lifetimes.

"I'm so sorry."

Shusei sighed as he leaned back in his bed. He closed his eyes, trying to rest. "These scars…you won't linger on them….will you?" He asked, despite knowing what Hotsuma will say, and what the real answer is.

"…"

"Hotsuma?…"

"No"

_Hm! And _I'm a_ Liar_ Shusei knew this day will haunt him forever. And the scars will only serve to remind him of what he had done and what he almost lost. Today was the beginning of a new pain for the both of them.

Hotsuma hung his head in his hands. _I will make this up to you, Shusei. Somehow…._

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**Well, I hope it was good! Reviews are appreciated! **


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